just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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