Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
