New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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