Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
