You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to sanitize my soul.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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