Rock
Scissors
Fuck
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
