The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
