If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
