I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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