Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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