AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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