just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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