Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
