i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
