She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
