Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
