Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
