Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
