These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think a kid would responsible me up
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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