First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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