Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
