Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
