I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
