the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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