I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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