Im at strip club and am horny
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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