don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
