Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize