I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize