Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My cat gives me a boner
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize