Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
