i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
