those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
