ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
