My pussy is not your playground.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
