So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
