You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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