If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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