I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
