I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
