I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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