Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
