Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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