honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
