dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize