when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
