I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
