I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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