I love having hate sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
