He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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