You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
