we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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