For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
