Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
