Rock
Scissors
Fuck
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
