I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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