I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
