My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
