Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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