I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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