I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
