We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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