I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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