I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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