Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Princesses don't give blow jobs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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