So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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