based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
