Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
