we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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