There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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