there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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