My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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