I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
