mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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