420 ftw
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
