if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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