Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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