the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
barbara walters just said penis...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize