im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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