have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
