i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
