So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
